What's your best/worst joke? (173 Viewers)

[Steve R.]

Seems that the Babylon Bee knows what goes on at our house!

Husband, Wife Caught In Infinite Loop Of Shouting 'WHAT?!' Back And Forth Across The House

HEATH, OH — Tragically, a local husband and wife became trapped in an infinite loop last week when they began shouting "WHAT?" repeatedly from across the house.

babylonbee.com

 

[Cotswold]

David Attenborough was showing off Gordon a gorilla he captured in the Congo.
“When I caught Gordon in ‘98, he was completely wild,” said the biologist.
Then Gordon interrupts and exclaimed : “Wild? I was absolutely livid and after all these years, often incandescent, between bouts of melancholy.”

 

[AccessBlaster]

 

[Steve R.]

Can a cat be returned to the animal shelter for disloyalty?
The cat my wife believes "belongs" to her snubs her.

 

[jpl458]

A lady raises two pet monkeys, then, within a day of each other, the monkeys die. She was so fond of the pets she took them taxidermist to have them preserved. The taxidermist asks her "do you want them mounted?" She replies "Shaking hands will do".

 

[The_Doc_Man]

Can a cat be returned to the animal shelter for disloyalty?
The cat my wife believes "belongs" to her snubs her.

The problem is that dogs belong to people but people belong to cats. Your wife mis-read the directional arrow.

 

[AccessBlaster]

People pick dogs, cats pick people.

 

[Cotswold]

I switched to keyboards (organ) after only a couple of years and to be honest, never looked back.

Hey Doc, maybe you should change your login name to Captain Nemo?

 

[The_Doc_Man]

Hey Doc, maybe you should change your login name to Captain Nemo?

While it is true that I am a "nobody" most of the time since I have retired, I've rather gotten used to this login name, which I have used for well over 25 years now. And Jules Verne's imagery, while spectacular, doesn't take into account that a pipe organ on a submarine would have trouble working due to problems in balancing air pressure in a fully enclosed space. Then again, with an electronic keyboard that isn't so much of a problem these days - but Captain Nemo didn't have that advantage.

 

[conception_native_0123]

speaking of cats, this was on the ad for this page when I was scrolling through new posts. It's pretty good.

 

[Cotswold]

And Jules Verne's imagery, while spectacular, doesn't take into account that a pipe organ on a submarine would have trouble working due to problems in balancing air pressure in a fully enclosed space.

Ah, but you are forgetting that Kirk Douglas was in charge of the situation.
Tony Curtis poked his eye out in the Vikings but he just grew a replacement.

With John Wayne he created the Wild West. Until they arrived on the scene
cowboys were just a bunch of scruffy guys. A lost occupation. Then before
you knew it everyone in America wanted to be one.

 

[Isaac]

speaking of cats, this was on the ad for this page when I was scrolling through new posts. It's pretty good.

that was excellent!!

 

[Steve R.]

Sent to me by my eldest daughter.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

It is the Thousand Islands region, but less than half of those islands are inhabited. Many of them aren't even big enough for a two-hole outhouse.

 

[Space Cowboy]

A man walks into a bar

It was set too low..

 

[CJ_London]

 

[NauticalGent]

And Jules Verne's imagery, while spectacular, doesn't take into account that a pipe organ on a submarine would have trouble working due to problems in balancing air pressure in a fully enclosed space. Then again, with an electronic keyboard that isn't so much of a problem these days - but Captain Nemo didn't have that advantage.

That response should earn you the name of SheldonCooper...

 

[The_Doc_Man]

That response should earn you the name of SheldonCooper...

Firing up a pipe organ in a submarine would invite another big bang... in theory.

 

[Cotswold]

Did you hear the one from MIcrosoft?

They created and installed anti-virus software called CrowdStrike, that promptly shut down systems all around the World.

 

[Gasman]

Yes, the stopped the Xero accounting system from working this morning.