Brianwarnock
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Her twin sister works in O'Hare.
Brian
What's your best/worst joke?
- Thread starter Fornatian
- Start date
Her twin sister works in O'Hare.
Brian
Strictly speaking, sluts don't charge. They're living with two potential prostitutes.
MSAccessRookie
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@Rabbie
I agree with your sentiment, which is why I posted the last few entries that I have.
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An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson into his bedroom. "Listen to me," he said to his grandson. "I want you to take my chrome plated 38 revolver so that you will always remember me." "But grandpa," the young man complained, "I really don't like guns. Why don't you leave me your Rolex watch instead?" "Shut up an listen," the Don replied. "Some day you are going to run the business. You are going to have a beautiful wife, lots of money, a big home and maybe a couple of bambinos." And then one day when you come home you might find your wife in bed with another man. What are you going to do then, point to your watch and say Times up?
I agree with your sentiment, which is why I posted the last few entries that I have.
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An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson into his bedroom. "Listen to me," he said to his grandson. "I want you to take my chrome plated 38 revolver so that you will always remember me." "But grandpa," the young man complained, "I really don't like guns. Why don't you leave me your Rolex watch instead?" "Shut up an listen," the Don replied. "Some day you are going to run the business. You are going to have a beautiful wife, lots of money, a big home and maybe a couple of bambinos." And then one day when you come home you might find your wife in bed with another man. What are you going to do then, point to your watch and say Times up?
Subject: GOLF FENCE
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her.
One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them..
Thanks for telling me officer."
Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course.
A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden.
It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers.
Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.'
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well, you know", said the little old lady, "not everybody pays."
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her.
One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them..
Thanks for telling me officer."
Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course.
A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden.
It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers.
Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.'
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well, you know", said the little old lady, "not everybody pays."
Jacob Mathai
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Dear Father,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply �an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on.
After receiving his son's letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back.
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.
'The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $25 the first time.'
He continued, 'Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $50. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $100. Are there any questions?'
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:
'How much for a season pass?'
Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. However, they decided to party instead. So, when they went to the test, they decided to tell the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tyre and they needed a bit more time to study.
The professor told them that they could have another day to study. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything.
Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to separate classrooms to take the exam. Each shrugged and went to two different parts of the building.
As each sat down, they read the first question. 'For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom.' At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake, and answered the question with ease.
Then, the test continued... 'For 95 points, tell me which tyre it was.'
A Mother was having a hard time getting her son to go to school in the morning.
'Nobody in school likes me,' he complained.
'The teachers don't like me, the kids don't like me, the superintendent wants to transfer me, the bus drivers hate me, the school board wants me to drop out, and the custodians have it in for me. I don't want to go to school.'
'But, John, you have to go to school,' said her mother sternly. 'You're healthy, you have a lot to learn, you have something to offer others, you are a leader. And besides, you're 40 years old and YOU'RE THE PRINCIPAL.'
Freshmen: Read the syllabus to find out what classes they can cut.
Seniors: Read the syllabus to find out what classes they need to attend.
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply �an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on.
After receiving his son's letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back.
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.
'The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $25 the first time.'
He continued, 'Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $50. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $100. Are there any questions?'
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:
'How much for a season pass?'
Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. However, they decided to party instead. So, when they went to the test, they decided to tell the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tyre and they needed a bit more time to study.
The professor told them that they could have another day to study. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything.
Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to separate classrooms to take the exam. Each shrugged and went to two different parts of the building.
As each sat down, they read the first question. 'For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom.' At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake, and answered the question with ease.
Then, the test continued... 'For 95 points, tell me which tyre it was.'
A Mother was having a hard time getting her son to go to school in the morning.
'Nobody in school likes me,' he complained.
'The teachers don't like me, the kids don't like me, the superintendent wants to transfer me, the bus drivers hate me, the school board wants me to drop out, and the custodians have it in for me. I don't want to go to school.'
'But, John, you have to go to school,' said her mother sternly. 'You're healthy, you have a lot to learn, you have something to offer others, you are a leader. And besides, you're 40 years old and YOU'RE THE PRINCIPAL.'
Freshmen: Read the syllabus to find out what classes they can cut.
Seniors: Read the syllabus to find out what classes they need to attend.
Jacob Mathai
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
A man is at the bar, really drunk. Some guys decide to be good samaritans and get him home. So they pick him up off the floor, and drag him out the door. On the way to the car, he falls down three times. When they get to his house, they help him out of the car and, he falls down again and again.
They ring the bell, and one says, "Here's your husband!"
The man's wife says, "Where the hell is his wheelchair?"
A man is at the bar, really drunk. Some guys decide to be good samaritans and get him home. So they pick him up off the floor, and drag him out the door. On the way to the car, he falls down three times. When they get to his house, they help him out of the car and, he falls down again and again.
They ring the bell, and one says, "Here's your husband!"
The man's wife says, "Where the hell is his wheelchair?"
MSAccessRookie
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A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters Restaurant. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation. All of a sudden, the lights turned off, and the entire place erupted into cheers.
When the revelers noticed the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"
"OK," the bartender replied, "but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."
"In that case," said the nun, "I'll just have to look the other way."
So with that, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"It's because they now know that you're one of us," said the bartender. "By the way, would you like a drink on the house?"
"No thank you," said the puzzled nun, "but I still don't understand."
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?"
When the revelers noticed the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"
"OK," the bartender replied, "but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."
"In that case," said the nun, "I'll just have to look the other way."
So with that, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"It's because they now know that you're one of us," said the bartender. "By the way, would you like a drink on the house?"
"No thank you," said the puzzled nun, "but I still don't understand."
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?"
ChipperT
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A couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption centre called and told them they had a wonderful Japanese baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption centre, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, "Whatever possessed you to study Japanese?"
The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Japanese baby and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him"
On the way home from the adoption centre, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, "Whatever possessed you to study Japanese?"
The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Japanese baby and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him"
Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big
bunch of flowers.
She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him
in.
She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips
her knickers off and says,
'This is for the flowers!'
'Don't be silly,' says Paddy, 'You must have a vase
somewhere !'
bunch of flowers.
She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him
in.
She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips
her knickers off and says,
'This is for the flowers!'
'Don't be silly,' says Paddy, 'You must have a vase
somewhere !'
AnthonyGerrard
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Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a bottle of champagne.
She opens the door, sees the bubbly, and drags him
in.
She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips
her knickers off and says,
'This is for the champagne!'
Paddy says, 'I knew you'd have a bucket!'
She opens the door, sees the bubbly, and drags him
in.
She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips
her knickers off and says,
'This is for the champagne!'
Paddy says, 'I knew you'd have a bucket!'
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks.
His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.
One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases.
It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
At 5:30 that afternoon, his 11 year old son, Tommy, returned home from
school two hours late.
"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?"
asked John..
"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit
project," said Tommy.
The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him
completely out of his chair.
"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you
really were after school."
"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy. "What did
you watch?" asked his mother, Marsha.
"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.
The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking
him off his chair.
With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied.
We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."
"I am ashamed of you son," said John.
When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."
The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that knocked him
out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears, and said, "Boy, did
you ever ask for that one!
You can't be too mad with Tommy, after all, he is your son!"
The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair
His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.
One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases.
It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
At 5:30 that afternoon, his 11 year old son, Tommy, returned home from
school two hours late.
"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?"
asked John..
"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit
project," said Tommy.
The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him
completely out of his chair.
"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you
really were after school."
"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy. "What did
you watch?" asked his mother, Marsha.
"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.
The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking
him off his chair.
With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied.
We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."
"I am ashamed of you son," said John.
When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."
The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that knocked him
out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears, and said, "Boy, did
you ever ask for that one!
You can't be too mad with Tommy, after all, he is your son!"
The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair
Rabbie
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It got crowded in heaven so, for one day and one day only, it was decided to only accept people who had really bad day on the day they died.
St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, of which I died from."
St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"
St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. "Tell me about the day you died?” he said to the third man in line. "OK, picture this; I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."
St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, of which I died from."
St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"
St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. "Tell me about the day you died?” he said to the third man in line. "OK, picture this; I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."
Jacob Mathai
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Four men rode in a car: a mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a computer engineer.
The car stalled out.
The mechanical engineer said, "It must be the pistons; let's repair them and be on our way."
The electrical engineer said, "It has to be the spark plugs; we'll
replace them and be ready to roll in no time at all."
The chemical engineer said. "No, it's got to be bad gas; we'll flush the system and be on our way."
They turned to the computer engineer. "What do you think we should do?" they asked.
The computer engineer shrugged and said, "Let's get out of the car, close the doors, then get back in and try restarting it."
The car stalled out.
The mechanical engineer said, "It must be the pistons; let's repair them and be on our way."
The electrical engineer said, "It has to be the spark plugs; we'll
replace them and be ready to roll in no time at all."
The chemical engineer said. "No, it's got to be bad gas; we'll flush the system and be on our way."
They turned to the computer engineer. "What do you think we should do?" they asked.
The computer engineer shrugged and said, "Let's get out of the car, close the doors, then get back in and try restarting it."
Jacob Mathai
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The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice.
"I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man.
"What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, what?"
The man replied, "I work for the IRS."
Q. How is golf like taxes?
A. Well, you drive hard to get to the green, and then you wind up in the hole
The owner of a small deli was being questioned by an IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year.
"Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year. And you want to know how I made $80,000?"
"It's not your income that bothers us," the agent said. "It's these deductions. You listed six trips to Bermuda for you and your wife."
"Oh, that," the owner said smiling. "I forgot to tell you - we also deliver."
One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice.
"I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man.
"What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, what?"
The man replied, "I work for the IRS."
Q. How is golf like taxes?
A. Well, you drive hard to get to the green, and then you wind up in the hole
The owner of a small deli was being questioned by an IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year.
"Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year. And you want to know how I made $80,000?"
"It's not your income that bothers us," the agent said. "It's these deductions. You listed six trips to Bermuda for you and your wife."
"Oh, that," the owner said smiling. "I forgot to tell you - we also deliver."
Rabbie
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Not to be outdone by the Aussies, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet and, shortly after, a story was published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the Australians".
One week later a Council in Essex reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in Colchester, Jack Lucknow, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely f*** all. Jack has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless."
MSAccessRookie
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A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While she was on the operating table she had a near death experience, and had a vision where she was talking to God.
"Is my time up?" She asked God.
"No," God said to her, "you still have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have some procedures done. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. She had a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change the color of her hair and brighten her teeth!
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While
crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had
another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the
ambulance?"
"To tell you the truth," God replied, "I didn't recognize you."
"Is my time up?" She asked God.
"No," God said to her, "you still have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have some procedures done. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. She had a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change the color of her hair and brighten her teeth!
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While
crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had
another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the
ambulance?"
"To tell you the truth," God replied, "I didn't recognize you."
Jacob Mathai
Registered User.
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A famous American singer was flying out of LA. While going through security at the airport, a TSA officer touched her breast. She stated singing:
"Ooh booby love, my booby love
I need you, oh how I need you"
"Ooh booby love, my booby love
I need you, oh how I need you"
not sure if I have sent this one..
Winter Classes for Women at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTRE
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By Friday, February 29th, 2011
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS.
Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..
Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past Marks & Spencer Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Handbag and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Curling Tongs--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM
Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Programme.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch -They Make Medicine for PMT - and How To Use It!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live - How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windscreen.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Upon completion of ANY of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
Winter Classes for Women at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTRE
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By Friday, February 29th, 2011
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS.
Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..
Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past Marks & Spencer Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Handbag and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Curling Tongs--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM
Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Programme.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch -They Make Medicine for PMT - and How To Use It!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live - How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windscreen.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Upon completion of ANY of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
