ChipperT
Banned in 13 Countries
- Local time
- Today, 03:32
- Joined
- Jun 1, 2010
- Messages
- 347
I'd say it meant we didn't understand the racial one. Never heard of a "golly" or "gollywog" here.
What's your best/worst joke? (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Fornatian
- Start date
oumahexi
Free Range Witch
- Local time
- Today, 11:32
- Joined
- Aug 10, 2006
- Messages
- 1,998
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there were a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen other Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
BOTH, POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS
NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN
AND
FOR THE SAME REASON!
NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN
AND
FOR THE SAME REASON!
Kinger43
racecar driver
- Local time
- Today, 06:32
- Joined
- Aug 17, 2007
- Messages
- 226
I am of the "younger generation" I have heard the term Gollywog and know what it is though I've never really heard anybody use it. My father grew up in the south, they were very poor and certainly didn't put themselves above another person because of the color of their skin. Racism was a non-issue to them. I was raised to not have prejudice because of a person's color. The problem is that too many times the "race card" gets pulled and people expect me to look the other way or put up with something that I normally wouldn't because of the color of their skin. It IS a 2-way street. There is, in my mind at least, a very LARGE difference between a black person and a n*****. Your skin doesn't have to be black to be a n*****. This term falls into the same category as the term cu**; it has it's place but should be extremely reserved.
Well said ...
MSAccessRookie
AWF VIP
- Local time
- Today, 06:32
- Joined
- May 2, 2008
- Messages
- 3,428
Here is a small collection of jokes that were sent to me.
The Garage Door
A boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, "This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?" The boss told her he knew he'd closed his garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.
As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his "garage door."
When he headed out for a cup of coffee, he paused by her desk. "When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?" He asked.
She smiled and said, "No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires.
Two elderly gentlemen
from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turned to the other and said: "I'm 83 years old and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Te other said: "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really, you feel like a newborn baby?", the first replied.
"Yes I do. I have no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
Hospital regulations
require a wheelchair for patients that are being discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted hedidn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. "I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
A couple in their nineties
were both having problems remembering things.
During a checkup, their doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the man gets up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" His wife asked.
"Sure thing," he replied.
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it, like the doctor told us to?" she asked.
"No, I can remember it." He assured her.
"I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, sonot to forget it?" she asked.
"I can remember that," he said. "You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so please write it down." she said.
Irritated, he said, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream – I've got it, for goodness sake!"
Then he went off to the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes, the old man returned from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stared at the plate for a moment and finally said "Where's my toast?"
A senior citizen
said to his eighty-year old buddy:
"I hear you're getting married?"
"Yes I am!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"Is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Nope, she can't cook very well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
"Is she good in bed?"
"I don't know, we haven't done it yet."
"Then why in the world do you want to marry her?"
"Because she can still drive!"
Three old guys
were out walking, and the first one said, "Windy, isn't it?" "I believe that it's Thursday!" The second one said. The third one replied, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
An 82 year-old man
named Morris went to the doctor to get a physical.
Not too long after that, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
At his next visit, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
"Just doing what you said," Morris replied, "you told me to get a hot mamma and be cheerful."
The doctor said, "I didn't exactly say that, Morris. What I said was that you've got a heart murmur and be careful."
A little old man
shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "Just a bad case of arthritis."
The Garage Door
A boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, "This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?" The boss told her he knew he'd closed his garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.
As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his "garage door."
When he headed out for a cup of coffee, he paused by her desk. "When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?" He asked.
She smiled and said, "No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires.
Two elderly gentlemen
from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turned to the other and said: "I'm 83 years old and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Te other said: "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really, you feel like a newborn baby?", the first replied.
"Yes I do. I have no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
Hospital regulations
require a wheelchair for patients that are being discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted hedidn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. "I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
A couple in their nineties
were both having problems remembering things.
During a checkup, their doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the man gets up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" His wife asked.
"Sure thing," he replied.
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it, like the doctor told us to?" she asked.
"No, I can remember it." He assured her.
"I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, sonot to forget it?" she asked.
"I can remember that," he said. "You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so please write it down." she said.
Irritated, he said, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream – I've got it, for goodness sake!"
Then he went off to the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes, the old man returned from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stared at the plate for a moment and finally said "Where's my toast?"
A senior citizen
said to his eighty-year old buddy:
"I hear you're getting married?"
"Yes I am!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"Is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Nope, she can't cook very well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
"Is she good in bed?"
"I don't know, we haven't done it yet."
"Then why in the world do you want to marry her?"
"Because she can still drive!"
Three old guys
were out walking, and the first one said, "Windy, isn't it?" "I believe that it's Thursday!" The second one said. The third one replied, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
An 82 year-old man
named Morris went to the doctor to get a physical.
Not too long after that, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
At his next visit, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
"Just doing what you said," Morris replied, "you told me to get a hot mamma and be cheerful."
The doctor said, "I didn't exactly say that, Morris. What I said was that you've got a heart murmur and be careful."
A little old man
shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "Just a bad case of arthritis."
MSAccessRookie
AWF VIP
- Local time
- Today, 06:32
- Joined
- May 2, 2008
- Messages
- 3,428
For all Who Work With Rude Customers, isn't it a shame WE can't actually do this!
An award should go to the Virgin Airlines desk attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said,
"I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS".
The attendant replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: "May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please?" She began, as her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.
"We have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, "F#$% you!"
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too."
An award should go to the Virgin Airlines desk attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said,
"I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS".
The attendant replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: "May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please?" She began, as her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.
"We have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, "F#$% you!"
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too."
"A son asks his dad the difference between theoretically & realistically. The dad says that's hard, but I've got an idea. Ask your mum if she would sleep with the milkman for 1m GBP. The mum says yes.
Now go and ask your sister if she would sleep with the newspaper man for 2m GBP. Sister says yes.
Well there you go son, theoretically we would be sitting on 3m GBP, realistically we're living with 2 sluts!
Now go and ask your sister if she would sleep with the newspaper man for 2m GBP. Sister says yes.
Well there you go son, theoretically we would be sitting on 3m GBP, realistically we're living with 2 sluts!
Brianwarnock
Retired
- Local time
- Today, 11:32
- Joined
- Jun 2, 2003
- Messages
- 12,701
Her twin sister works in O'Hare.
Brian
Strictly speaking, sluts don't charge. They're living with two potential prostitutes.
MSAccessRookie
AWF VIP
- Local time
- Today, 06:32
- Joined
- May 2, 2008
- Messages
- 3,428
@Rabbie
I agree with your sentiment, which is why I posted the last few entries that I have.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson into his bedroom. "Listen to me," he said to his grandson. "I want you to take my chrome plated 38 revolver so that you will always remember me." "But grandpa," the young man complained, "I really don't like guns. Why don't you leave me your Rolex watch instead?" "Shut up an listen," the Don replied. "Some day you are going to run the business. You are going to have a beautiful wife, lots of money, a big home and maybe a couple of bambinos." And then one day when you come home you might find your wife in bed with another man. What are you going to do then, point to your watch and say Times up?
I agree with your sentiment, which is why I posted the last few entries that I have.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson into his bedroom. "Listen to me," he said to his grandson. "I want you to take my chrome plated 38 revolver so that you will always remember me." "But grandpa," the young man complained, "I really don't like guns. Why don't you leave me your Rolex watch instead?" "Shut up an listen," the Don replied. "Some day you are going to run the business. You are going to have a beautiful wife, lots of money, a big home and maybe a couple of bambinos." And then one day when you come home you might find your wife in bed with another man. What are you going to do then, point to your watch and say Times up?
Subject: GOLF FENCE
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her.
One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them..
Thanks for telling me officer."
Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course.
A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden.
It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers.
Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.'
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well, you know", said the little old lady, "not everybody pays."
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her.
One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them..
Thanks for telling me officer."
Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course.
A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden.
It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers.
Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.'
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well, you know", said the little old lady, "not everybody pays."
Jacob Mathai
Registered User.
- Local time
- Today, 11:32
- Joined
- Sep 6, 2001
- Messages
- 546
Dear Father,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply �an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on.
After receiving his son's letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back.
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.
'The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $25 the first time.'
He continued, 'Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $50. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $100. Are there any questions?'
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:
'How much for a season pass?'
Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. However, they decided to party instead. So, when they went to the test, they decided to tell the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tyre and they needed a bit more time to study.
The professor told them that they could have another day to study. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything.
Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to separate classrooms to take the exam. Each shrugged and went to two different parts of the building.
As each sat down, they read the first question. 'For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom.' At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake, and answered the question with ease.
Then, the test continued... 'For 95 points, tell me which tyre it was.'
A Mother was having a hard time getting her son to go to school in the morning.
'Nobody in school likes me,' he complained.
'The teachers don't like me, the kids don't like me, the superintendent wants to transfer me, the bus drivers hate me, the school board wants me to drop out, and the custodians have it in for me. I don't want to go to school.'
'But, John, you have to go to school,' said her mother sternly. 'You're healthy, you have a lot to learn, you have something to offer others, you are a leader. And besides, you're 40 years old and YOU'RE THE PRINCIPAL.'
Freshmen: Read the syllabus to find out what classes they can cut.
Seniors: Read the syllabus to find out what classes they need to attend.
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply �an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on.
After receiving his son's letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back.
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.
'The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $25 the first time.'
He continued, 'Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $50. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $100. Are there any questions?'
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:
'How much for a season pass?'
Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. However, they decided to party instead. So, when they went to the test, they decided to tell the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tyre and they needed a bit more time to study.
The professor told them that they could have another day to study. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything.
Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to separate classrooms to take the exam. Each shrugged and went to two different parts of the building.
As each sat down, they read the first question. 'For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom.' At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake, and answered the question with ease.
Then, the test continued... 'For 95 points, tell me which tyre it was.'
A Mother was having a hard time getting her son to go to school in the morning.
'Nobody in school likes me,' he complained.
'The teachers don't like me, the kids don't like me, the superintendent wants to transfer me, the bus drivers hate me, the school board wants me to drop out, and the custodians have it in for me. I don't want to go to school.'
'But, John, you have to go to school,' said her mother sternly. 'You're healthy, you have a lot to learn, you have something to offer others, you are a leader. And besides, you're 40 years old and YOU'RE THE PRINCIPAL.'
Freshmen: Read the syllabus to find out what classes they can cut.
Seniors: Read the syllabus to find out what classes they need to attend.
Jacob Mathai
Registered User.
- Local time
- Today, 11:32
- Joined
- Sep 6, 2001
- Messages
- 546
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
A man is at the bar, really drunk. Some guys decide to be good samaritans and get him home. So they pick him up off the floor, and drag him out the door. On the way to the car, he falls down three times. When they get to his house, they help him out of the car and, he falls down again and again.
They ring the bell, and one says, "Here's your husband!"
The man's wife says, "Where the hell is his wheelchair?"
A man is at the bar, really drunk. Some guys decide to be good samaritans and get him home. So they pick him up off the floor, and drag him out the door. On the way to the car, he falls down three times. When they get to his house, they help him out of the car and, he falls down again and again.
They ring the bell, and one says, "Here's your husband!"
The man's wife says, "Where the hell is his wheelchair?"
MSAccessRookie
AWF VIP
- Local time
- Today, 06:32
- Joined
- May 2, 2008
- Messages
- 3,428
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters Restaurant. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation. All of a sudden, the lights turned off, and the entire place erupted into cheers.
When the revelers noticed the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"
"OK," the bartender replied, "but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."
"In that case," said the nun, "I'll just have to look the other way."
So with that, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"It's because they now know that you're one of us," said the bartender. "By the way, would you like a drink on the house?"
"No thank you," said the puzzled nun, "but I still don't understand."
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?"
When the revelers noticed the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"
"OK," the bartender replied, "but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."
"In that case," said the nun, "I'll just have to look the other way."
So with that, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"It's because they now know that you're one of us," said the bartender. "By the way, would you like a drink on the house?"
"No thank you," said the puzzled nun, "but I still don't understand."
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?"
ChipperT
Banned in 13 Countries
- Local time
- Today, 03:32
- Joined
- Jun 1, 2010
- Messages
- 347
A couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption centre called and told them they had a wonderful Japanese baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption centre, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, "Whatever possessed you to study Japanese?"
The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Japanese baby and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him"
On the way home from the adoption centre, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, "Whatever possessed you to study Japanese?"
The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Japanese baby and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him"
Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big
bunch of flowers.
She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him
in.
She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips
her knickers off and says,
'This is for the flowers!'
'Don't be silly,' says Paddy, 'You must have a vase
somewhere !'
bunch of flowers.
She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him
in.
She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips
her knickers off and says,
'This is for the flowers!'
'Don't be silly,' says Paddy, 'You must have a vase
somewhere !'
AnthonyGerrard
Registered User.
- Local time
- Today, 11:32
- Joined
- Jun 11, 2004
- Messages
- 1,069
Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a bottle of champagne.
She opens the door, sees the bubbly, and drags him
in.
She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips
her knickers off and says,
'This is for the champagne!'
Paddy says, 'I knew you'd have a bucket!'
She opens the door, sees the bubbly, and drags him
in.
She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips
her knickers off and says,
'This is for the champagne!'
Paddy says, 'I knew you'd have a bucket!'
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks.
His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.
One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases.
It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
At 5:30 that afternoon, his 11 year old son, Tommy, returned home from
school two hours late.
"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?"
asked John..
"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit
project," said Tommy.
The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him
completely out of his chair.
"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you
really were after school."
"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy. "What did
you watch?" asked his mother, Marsha.
"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.
The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking
him off his chair.
With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied.
We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."
"I am ashamed of you son," said John.
When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."
The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that knocked him
out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears, and said, "Boy, did
you ever ask for that one!
You can't be too mad with Tommy, after all, he is your son!"
The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair
His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.
One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases.
It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
At 5:30 that afternoon, his 11 year old son, Tommy, returned home from
school two hours late.
"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?"
asked John..
"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit
project," said Tommy.
The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him
completely out of his chair.
"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you
really were after school."
"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy. "What did
you watch?" asked his mother, Marsha.
"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.
The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking
him off his chair.
With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied.
We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."
"I am ashamed of you son," said John.
When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."
The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that knocked him
out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears, and said, "Boy, did
you ever ask for that one!
You can't be too mad with Tommy, after all, he is your son!"
The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair
